Put on your fluffy preboots and gather up your funkles and funts as Louie phones in to talk about using all parts of her brain, Boris and Trump’s theme tune and swearing in front of kids. Hannah misunderstands procrastination and reveals some unexpected plans for when society ends, and “penance face” Dan has been tidying his room and is, in fact, kinda manly. This was Louie’s last appearance before she was revealed to be an alien imposter and removed by men in dark suits.
In his voyage through all the Br-towns, Nikesh joins Hannah in Brighton and Dan over the wires to read some train poetry, and to publicly confess to the most heinous thing he has ever done. Hannah has been on a quest to get the best from a fest and found it lacking in theremins, and Dan is Doing Quite Well For Himself although the wheels are about to, quite literally, come off. Also, plans are laid for the most astonishing grudge-melee: McFARLANE & THE CAST OF HEAT vs SOME AUTHORS! The streets of Bridlewell will run with blood and snot.
Nikesh is a busy, busy man, but fortunately he is very good at social media and you can see what he’s up to via his website or by following him on Twitter. He also has a very funny novel all about social media, Meatspace, so you can read that while you re-evaluate your digital lifestyle.
Dan and Hannah are back to provide the answers to more of life’s head-scratchers: what really separates us from the animals? Why are energy drinks a threat to those closest to you? Can anyone solve the mystery of the monk? What’s the deadliest game you can play in Toys R Us? Who is Dan’s new dance partner? And which once-joyful part of Hannah’s life has turned to moths now??
What ailments can be solved with oxtail soup and gaffer tape? How many different ways are there to ingest crisps? Ian shows us what can be done with years of medical expertise, a few household objects and some extremely blue-sky thinking. Meanwhile Dan is being eaten alive by little monsters despite (or because of) his new Muggs, and Hannah waxes lyrical about the best queue ever and discusses her failed childhood cryogenics experiment.
If you check in to Dr Ian Williams’ website you can explore his work and read his satirical Guardian comic strip, and it is recommended that you should do so for the sake of your health. (Is that a threat…? Ha, of course not! OF COURSE NOT.)
Jade joins the Berrys for an exciting round of Guessy Name Game! Hannah finds some treasure, Dan finds far more treasure but is Derren Browned by a 3-year-old, and Jade wins the week by having six names and by actually finishing her graphic novel. Together they redesign Iron Man and reveal spoilers for Game of Thrones series 5 that are 100% true.
Jade’s book won’t be out until the summer, so why not whet your appetite while you wait by browsing the delights on her website?
Gather ye round to learn facts about the mysterious Loch Ness, all of which are unquestionably true how dare you suggest otherwise. This week Hannah has been lurk-learning and trying to represent womanhood in a tie, while the stress of living in a plague house has driven Dan to have a terrible relapse. Includes entirely accurate retellings of Lord of the Flies, Wuthering Heights, and Sopranos! The Musical.
This is not just a podcast: this is a trifecta of Berrys, jostled into an exuberant hour and layered with zingy effervescence; all served on a readjusted pleasure setting with a harrowing experience of horse head and just a splash of salad cream.
You can continue to delight in Simon’s voice and humour if you pop on over to his website, which he shares with his collaborator Tim Barnes. Tim is not a Berry, though. So. Forewarned, etc.
You are cordially invited to Dantown Abbey. Accompany Mr Slorance as he takes a most leisurely turn with hosts Dan, The Smartest Guy In The World, and Hannah, Most Offensive Fimo-Wearer. It may please you hear Dan’s accurate impression of Stan Lee and to learn more of the humble tortoise and their husbandry, but have a care dear visitor: as one particular tale of chelonian whimsy may make you sick in your mouth a bit.
Neil Slorance, as well as being a top guy, also does top comics. You can see some of his work here on his website (including the hourly comic he talks about) and also buy it. And you should, because you seem to me like a person of taste.
Safety goggles must be worn while listening to this podcast, and caution should be exercised around offensive notions and iguana parks. Do not show children the exciting eczema cream. Keep any sharp instruments, power tools or caravans out of reach of Dan, and ensure group photos are marked with hazard signs in the sudden event of Hannah. Caution! Contains humour and lies.
If you’re not vegan at the start of this episode, well, you might be by the end. Dan, Hannah and Kristyna discuss haggis, baggis, pencil-rubbing sandwiches, the ghost of the worst cheese you ever ate, NASA’s arancini space balls, vole soup, Scrooge McDucking into crisps, couscous served in a human skull, and that Lance’s tahini paninis. Listen to it, or you’ll get got!
NB This episode had crazy gremlins on the wings for the first half of the flight. Sorry.
If you liked the cut of Kristyna’s jib – and how could you not! – and you want to read more of her fabulous work, you should: 1) go to her website, 2) delight in the things, 3) buy the things.